My Story

I thought it might be wise to post about how I got to where I am today instead of just diving in to the problems of the present. I suppose this is really sort of the TL;DR version of the About Me page.

I'm the one standing up

When I was little, I was quite skinny. I had always had health problems but weight wasn't one of them. I think in a way it's worse this way as I know what it's like to be on the "other side".

Right around the time I hit puberty I just ballooned. At the time we though it was due to bad habits, as I had taken to a very stationary lifestyle. I didn't want to do anything other than lie on the recliner and watch TV. Looking back, I think it was the other way around; all the weight gain made me depressed. My mother tried very hard to get me up and moving as she was sure if I did I would feel better and go back to being healthier but it was of no use. Honestly I think it actually made me feel worse because somehow I knew nothing was going to change. I knew I would never be that skinny girl again and just had to deal with it my own way, on my own time.

When I finally got my period I only got it one month and then not again for about a year. I had heard that adolescents are often irregular so it didn't bother me at first. After that first year I would get it every 3-9 months, so while it wasn't as bad as a year it wasn't near regular either. In a way I thought I was lucky because I didn't have to go through the horrible pain every month like other girls. However every year I would start to get a little more worried until eventually avoidance and denial set in. I knew in the back of my mind that this wasn't right, that something was wrong, but I was scared of the possibilities so I just kept telling myself it was normal.

Speaking of horrible pain, I also thought that was normal. I remember one time early on I had my mom take me to the doctor because I was in so much pain. It was a Saturday or my normal doctor was on a vacation or something so I had to see a different doctor than normal. She asked me if I had started yet, and if so when my last cycle started, and I sort of meekly told her "now". She totally blew me off and said "oh well it's just cramps, take some aleve" and that was it. She made me think the pain I was in was normal. I saw the other girls and they didn't seem to be in as much pain I was, you couldn't even tell! So I tried my hardest to hide the pain because I thought otherwise people would see me as weak.

It wasn't until I was out of high school that I decided to do something about it. One of my good friend's mom was an OB/GYN, so one day I went up to my mom as calmly as I could and asked if she would make me an appointment. I thought she might freak out about it but she didn't. We went to the appointment and that's when I found out none of it was normal. I had a ton of small cysts all over my ovaries and I wasn't ovulating. I was going to have fertility problems in the future, but technology was improving vastly so I should be fine with a little help. She put me on birth control to regulate things and also help with the pain. She also said she could give me some pain medication if that wasn't enough. I was relieved and scared out of my mind all at the same time.

Being on the birth control made me very uncomfortable. I was a very good, proper girl and I didn't want anyone to get the wrong ideas. It didn't help that as soon as my grandmother found out I went to see an OB/GYN she started asking questions about me being pregnant. But as I saw the improvements I got over it. My cycles were regular, they were shorter (off hormones it can last easily 10 days), they were lighter, still hurt like crap but a little better, and I even started to lose weight!

Me and my husband, December 2010

Unfortunately that didn't last long. Once or twice a year my hormones will get all wonky and I'll get a period that lasts a month+, the whole time having cramps that keep me from living a normal life. The way this was fixed was through changing my BC to a new brand. This worked for the most part but meant going through another three months of bad side effects like morning sickness until my body got used to the new medication. At this point I can't even remember the number of times this has happened or how many brands of BC I've been on. With some BCs I lost weight, but with others I gained so I've been yo-yoing ever since then.

One such time (or so we thought) was earlier this year (2011). In March I started having problems and by April was on new BC. Unfortunately things were no better by the end of July. I was only bleeding on and off but I had cramps the whole time and thus was on prescription pain medication the whole time as well. My doctor decided it was time to go in and look to see if I had endometriosis. I had laparoscopic surgery in August and was diagnosed at that time.